Life's tough after you cross your silver jubilee. I'm not really saying this because I've read this anywhere or heard people saying this to me. I'm saying this because I've been through it, felt it and am still under its aftereffects. I generally write this letter to my self every birthday but it seems like I am not in a state of mind to wait more to write for myself.
So, if you're reading this and you think you have any right to comment in the comment section at the end, leave right away because this letter my dear friend needs no pity and nor does this birthday girl.
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Dear Mani,
I never thought that I will be spending my birthday month not being excited about it. You know the kind of person I'm, don't you? Because somehow, I'm not able to recognize my own self. Have I changed, really? Maybe, yes!
Because if I am counting 'how many days to go' with each passing day and not shouting it loud publicly, I think I have grown up.
If I am no more interested in getting myself a fancy cake because let's admit, nobody really cares, I think I've grown up.
Because if I can leave my super favourite dress at a store that I would've never left if it was my 25th year, I certainly must have either changed or grown up.
Life certainly has changed after crossing 25 and suddenly humans of any sort have started to turn awkward sources for me. This year not just has made me what I'm not, it has taught me the hard way that it is okay for you to trust people blindly for a day in future when they'll look at you wanting to prove them why they should believe in you. That the people you can die for can give you a clear chit of their priorities that does not include you. And the toughest thing I've learnt, it's that there will be times when you'll really want to explain to people about how you feel but humans these days don't even bother to give others the opportunity to speak.
In a world full of people, I want you to know about the regrets that I have of misbehaving with people who were kind enough to take it. While all these years when I couldn't say a no to even things that I never wanted to do, I've learnt the art to say a no to people even when I really want things to happen. I suck bad!
It was hard but it was high time that I had to realise that my birthday is my birthday and none of their birthday and I need to keep it all inside. My excitement should be limited to my space, eyeing beautiful cakes online and not ordering any should be fine. Not buying the gift I promised myself months back because materialistic things suddenly seem worthless is okay. Being fake happy for the time that you no longer want is the art of living.
Dear 26th, you taught me a few tough lessons the hard way. And certainly have killed my zeal to be excited because I have no fucking idea whether I'm happy about it or really want to close my self in a room and just be on my own. Apparantly, I'm missing out on times I used to be the most excited one from months before the big day. And sadly, I don't even want to be that either.
PS: Pooh waale bhaiya ko bhi aaj hi nahi hona tha. I deserved that Pooh shaped balloon at least. <heartbreak> Kyuki birthday girl ka dil to still bacha hai ji. <3
-Lots of Love and Happy 10 days to go
Mani
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