It's another day of sun! ❤️

This is my life.

I am going with the flow yet I am confused as to where I am heading. I have people in my life who inspire me, who I am quite not having a matching wavelength with, people I have lost, people I love, people I know will not last long even after making promises all so strong. Each day, I laugh hard, cry sometimes, worry at moments, think at times, get hurt, hurt others, exhaust my own self doing things I am not happy about. There are days I am proud of my self, love the person I am becoming and then there are days when I hate a part of me for being something that it shouldn't be. So, sometimes I am a bad person. There are times when I praise people but then there are times when I want to say a sorry but just couldn't type & send it. Sometimes, I want to be alone in a place that is crowded to get the comfort of being alone in the surrounding of people who don't know me and sometimes I don't want to be left alone with people I don't know or just know and I keep looking at the door in a party for someone to enter that I can feel happy being around.

There are times I know that I need something or do anything in a certain way that will make the things different, change things in a way I wanted them to be. I know there are times when reading a certain book or my favourite book all over again will make things fine. I know sometimes I need to go out, go on a trip, the beauty and peace of which I know will bring that necessary vibe that I am looking forward in my life.

I want to tell people every time they ask me "Is there anything wrong?" that "There's nothing wrong but yes, I am trying to unlock the happiness that is lost somewhere in my own self. I am trying to reward me with things I always wanted but couldn't get, I am trying to read a book I brought the other day but I am not able to read it for I don't know why! And that, I know, all I need is to look inside and motivate my own self a l'il bit. All I need is 4 weeks or just 7 days or maybe only a coffee session with you to gulp what's bothering me with all the bullshit that we might end up talking." but all I reply is "Naah!" with a meek smile.

But, to my surprise, there's just the next day when I wake up with this newly found enthusiasm, intense emotions when words keep blooming out of my fingertips on the keyboard of my laptop. Hope pours on the same old way that I travel down everyday to reach my office, into my jokes, into my laughter and into my life and I feel lucky enough the moment I realize that I survived the previous night when life seemed clueless.

I don't exactly know how that shift keep occurring or what led to the changes that keep on coming anyways like sun and moon. But, one thing that I know is that- it was, is and will always be me that will make my life better. I know that, every time when I look up for happiness in others, I end up finding it in my own self. Every time I start looking for happiness, I realise it is not something that one can find but is something that one has to become.

Yes, this is my life. It is clumsy even if Monica hates it every time I make a mess, it looks pathetic even if Rachel has taught me to make it all fashionable, it is awesome at times when Barney is around, it is crazy at times when Phoebe is singing Smelly Cat yet all over again, it is funny every time Chandler cracks a joke, it is romantic and all dreamy when I couldn't take my eyes off Ted, it is confusing more than Ross's life, it lacks a love story like Lilly and Marshall, it has got no brave stories I could recite like Khaleesi, it doesn't have a story of a tution romance like Rajat and Ishita and has no room mates like Tanya or Mikesh, it is awkward at times but amazing too when I enjoy the slice of my Pizza with Joey and fantastic everytime a Gunther at a coffeehouse serves me my favourite coffee. And, somehow I am surviving each day with a smile at the end singing (without rhythm and melody because I am no good singer)-

And when they let you down,

The morning rolls around,

It's another day of sun! ❤️