Friday, 26 January 2018

The Letter I am glad I never sent!

The one who looked amazing on stage that day,

Okay, I don't exactly know how to do this or say this but first things first, "I love you". 

I don't know the day or time when I actually or first fell for you but yes it wasn't all at once. I fall for you every time you smile, every time you make a lame joke, every time we share a secret, every time you say something out of the box that I never expect from you, every time that you lie, every time you make those awkward faces when you are thinking about something, every time you when you ain't really listening to the stories that I keep telling you anyways, every time you look up to me and nod at the 10th time I am calling out your name in public, every time you look up for me while sharing a joke, every time you bloat out every single thing on your mind once you are tired of your 'I can keep my secrets' fact which by the way is not even a fact!

So, I won't say that I just fell for you one day, I still am falling for you every day when we share something special even if it's just glances at each time when you pass by me or I pass by you.

So not once, nor twice or for 10 times, I have fallen for you a million of times since the very 1st which even to me is still unknown. Yes, I have been falling for you from I don't know how long but every minute and every second since then.

For everything that happens in this world happens for a reason, I think you will better understand that love never happens with one. It just happens.

The world might love you for who you are now but trust me I have loved every bit of what you were. The world might love you for how you behave but for every time you have misbehaved, I have loved you more. For every thing that you say might attract others but the restlessness in your tone when you have a lot to say but couldn't express it is something that has touched me. For others might fall for you, but since I have known you or loved you, I have fallen for every single person in your life. 

Some not so important things now which are actually the most important, I don't really think that I am expecting anything in return for as much as I have known you, I know that I have never really seen 'me' in your eyes.  And, it's okay. 100% O.K.A.Y! 

Why? Because I never really expected anything from you. I still love you without an expectation of receiving something in return. I know you have a lot many important people in your life. You might have your own love interests, may be someone 'special' or may be not. And, if there is any then trust me, I never really want to snatch that place. I might still prefer to have my own l'il space (yes, 'l'il' wouln't affect me) special in it's own way!

I understand that we are very different individuals and stand nowhere on each other's wish-list or desires for the 'lady/man-love' of each other's lives. Yes, you are nothing like the man I have always dreamt of, nothing like the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, but I don't know how and why this happened, but it did. And, I am glad it did.

I don't know the exact date of when or OR ever if I'll be sending this to you but if I ever will, I want to tell you that the day you performed at the college fest was one of those very days when you looked pretty amazing. Amazing in a sense that I couldn't take my eyes off you. Amazing in a way that if you would've noticed me, you must have realised what I had started to feel for you. Not just you, anyone, any one from the people that know you and know me must have understood everything from the way I was looking at you. But neither did you or anyone noticed it because I was one of the 'many' of your fans who were cheering for you from the crowd. Yes, I am that someone, that someone from the crowd that you are good friends with!

And, while I am writing this for you, I am secretly planning to never really send this you because I don't want to ruin what we share. Whatever it is! And I proudly accept the fact that I know we are never going to end up together, NEVER, and I will actually never mind when you'll end up with someone you love. I know you won't believe me but I never felt jealous of anyone around you. Not from even the one you think you are 'dating secretly' currently. And if this in any way makes you believe that what I have for you is a myth and not something for real then I wouldn't fight with you. Not because I agree with you but because I know exactly how it feels to find someone who makes all sense to you when the world seems all confusing, even the madness of life and moments of craziness start to make sense when with you, the pain, anxiety inside starts vanishing away when am with you and I somehow start to believe in the concept of happy endings when with you. 

So, if you think that 'you' aren't the right one for me, I wouldn't mind that because all my life I have been running away from people and things but now that I've met you, I just feel like staying and neither you nor I can do any fuckin' thing about it. Because there is something so special about this time, something delicate, something so optimistic that besides being aware of the fact that 'nothing is gonna ever come out of it', I am allowing my self to fall for you. Because this is something that I want to keep close to me forever, not 'someone' but this 'something' something which is nothing but a feeling, a feeling of single sided love that I have for you. I want to keep it so close to me so that I could seek optimism from, strength from in the worst times of my life, I want to keep this hope so close so that I can illuminate all the darkness away that will ever surround me!


(Are sona nahi tha!) {Just for laughs, peeps!}

This really isn't a letter to you, this is a letter to me, a letter that I'll read in the end days of my life to feel glad that there was someone like you in the world, someone I fell in love with without really having any reason!

your friend from the crowd! 


  1. Maniiiii, reading it was like revisiting times. Times that were the best part of my life, and will always be. I fell in love with my best friend in every way that you have described here. And that will always be the most beautiful and the purest form of live. ❤️

  2. Maybe all of us falling in love actually fall in the same way. Maybe everyone who has loved someone madly, badly, deeply will be able to connect with this. 'Love'in itself is ome of the purest feelings in the world and I am glad I touvhed the strings of your heard with this one.

    -Happy writer :-)