Tuesday, 3 April 2018

Yet Again!

Before you begin reading this, here are some points you should know:
1. This is a story from a boy's side. The narrator is a guy in this 40's. 
2. Some incindences are based on reality and are written with love.

Happy reading!

We went to a lot of trips together but this one was special. Special because there was something that this one changed. Not just for me but for both of us.

The memories are vivid but all I can remember is that I came out of a relationship with the woman of my dreams. Reasons were more of cliches than being actual reasons for the break-up that left me all broken and sad for a long time. But, every feeling has a lifespan. Mine had one too. I don't even remember exactly how long it took me to come out of her. I still missed talking to her, sharing things, my routines, gossips with her. I was still in touch with her in a vaguely awkward way, I still cared for her and still had a soft corner for her in my heart but deep down I knew it that it was over. I was over her. ❤️

I planned a trip with my family (cousins, to be clear) when my friends also intervened and got all included in the trip. Since all of us were young, too hot to handle, seekers of fun and knew each other pretty well, it wasn't actually a family kinda trip.

The trip went well and it was our last night at the resort. While everyone was actually asleep, I had something going on in my head.

Something that wasn't letting me sleep. While I had a lot of she-friends, there was something about her that wasn't what we or everyone supposed it to be. The way I felt about her wasn't even something I thought would happen to me all over again. And while everyone thought that I still wasn't over 'that one', I knew it at that again moment, I was actually over 'that one'. Because the pinching and thumping in my heart that wasn't letting me sleep that night wasn't for 'that one' this time. I knew it. If it was there, I knew it that it was for her. And if it was happening to me all over again, It could only be her. While I promised to stay 'that someone's' forever, I knew it now that if there was someone meant to be for me, it wasn't 'that one' but her.

They say you have to come out of a bad place to reach to a better and more deserving place. 'That one' wasn't a bad place either but wasn't home. But she felt like home. While it was with 'that one' that I had the best moments of my life and not her, I knew it that it was still her and not 'that one'. 

Somehow. Somehow. 

And, this thought wasn't ready to go out of my head when I got up, sat for like 5 minutes, threw the sheet away, wore my slippers, unlocked the door, thought for a second, locked it from outside, went straight to her room and knocked her door. And, I was all ready to go back after knocking for 5 times when the sound of the door getting unlocked touched my eardrums. I was glad that it was her and nobody else who opened the door but keeping my glad-feels aside, I end up asking, "walk?". It was 2.30 AM already when she looked at the clock above the TV in her room. Without a single thought, she sad "Okay" which out of her wasn't something I was actually expecting.  I was waiting outside that room to not disturb others who were sleeping there. She didn't take long and came out in a few minutes with a hoody because it was fairly cold outside. We passed through the corridors that smelled fog, passed through the reception area, the dining hall and finally descended the steps down to the open pool area with small tent sittings and a wide area that was more of a perfect setting that I could ever plan for her intentionally. The stars must have been smiling over us with no light of course through the foggy sky. And all this while when she was talking to me, I was only replying because again in my head I was listening to the silence in the corridoor, listening to our steps while we walked past the Reception areas and counted the steps that descended us to the pool area to actually stop what despite of all these efforts wasn't ready to leave my brain, the thought of 'us'.

And the absent-minded me came back to the real world when she actually asked me to stop walking and sit, "Baith jaaye ab? Mai neend se uthi hu, tu jaag raha tha!  Out of taras baith ja?" and she kept blabbering what not, which at that point of time was just a vibration that I could hear to. While she kept speaking, I was fighting with the urge of telling her what I was feeling and then was countering my own self with the thought of losing her. I was fighting, preparing a speech of what I would tell her if 'Go on, tell her!' wins over 'No, don't spoil this.' And while all this was playing in my head, suddenly, suddenly she came up with, "You know what, I like you. Okay more than just like! Do I love you? I think, Yes!".

I got numb which she took as a shock after what she told me and calmed me down with, "Don't worry! I haven't proposed you, I just felt like saying it and said it anyways". And when I was again struggling to tell her all that was still there in my head, she stopped me saying "Are abhi nahi zaruri hai jawab dena, kabhi haan ho to yaar shadi ke liye puch liyo seedha! Let's go and sleep for now!".

We came back and I couldn't tell her how much I was feeing the same way of what she was feeling. I just couldn't tell her what was eating up my head. I couldn't tell her about the debate I was trying to have while she spoke, won and took the trophy with her while I being the runner up was back in my bed but this time, I finally slept peacefully with a smile. (Losing isn't that bad everytime, trust me!)

Months passed, our conversations increased and so were my flights to Bangalore and her flights to Delhi but I could just not tell her. Everytime I wanted to text "I love you", I received the same from her seconds before I dared to press the send button and all I ended up texting was that 'dark red heart'

Maybe, confessing wasn't important for me. Maybe, she always had this vibe from me that we actuallly are together even after me not saying what I was supposed to. Maybe, this is was what I fell in love with, yet again or for the first time maybe! I never said 'I love you' but finally asked her to marry me 5 years, 4 months, 23 days after she won the trophy that day but never said 'I love you'.
But I think today I will finally tell her. It isn't too tough. We are married for like from 7 years now!

18th Feb'18: 

While I was writing yesterday, she came from behind hugged me and said 'I Love You' and you know what followed next?



I just smiled back like always. ❤️


  1. Oooooooooooh you nailed it, i am not saying good, excellent, sexy for this... Just thank you.. thank you so much ..

    1. You're most welcome. ❤️

      You guys rock. ❤️

      Keep writing back Kun. :-)

  2. You nailed on this one! Lekin batana hota hai na ki kisi or ki taraf se likh rahi hai. I really thought a lesbian love story was to be up in sometime! Anyway, you didn't shatter the 'love' feel of it in any sense. I don't know who are these people being talked about but are certainly one of the luckiest to be together.

    And, as for you, good job writer! :)

    1. Hahaha! Point noted, disclaimer added! Thank you. Even I felt it when I just read this again as a reader-reading-Mani and I agree with you, somehow.

      This is why I ask you to read my posts asap. Keep giving suggestions! :-) <3